Satan to Pat Robertson: You’re Doing Great Work, but…

Lucifer 16 from MuellerIllustrations dot com
Lucifer 16 from MuellerIllustrations dot com

Oh wow, this letter from Satan to Pat Robertson (below) is really a hoot.  I was just reading (in Myth and Ritual of Christianity by Alan Watts) about the arena Lucifer aka Satan really works in. According to Watts, Satan doesn’t even engage in lesser forms of evil like violence and war, he is far too clever and subtle for that and commits the purest forms of evil. Lucifer-Satan is extraordinarily gifted as a wolf in sheep’s clothing, an expert on human nature, and moves with the light-workers, the peace-makers, the smiling do-gooders.  Satan moves and works among the beautiful ones, fooling everyone, says famous author Alan Watts (back in the late 60s when he wrote this book).

Anyway, here’s the Screwtape Letters style note to Pat Robertson after Pat said the Haiti earthquake was caused by a deal Haiti made with the Devil.


Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the

shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when

they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has

made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but

I’m no welcher.

The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and

impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with

people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent,

wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I

mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen

“Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d

be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that

kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing

against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.

You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just,

come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep

blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need

to renegotiate your own contract.



— Lily Coyle, Minneapolis – via the Star Tribune

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Katia is a consecrated independent sacramental bishop. She directs the online Esoteric Mystery School and Interfaith Theological Seminary. Check it out at

4 thoughts on “Satan to Pat Robertson: You’re Doing Great Work, but…”

  1. Hi Katia,

    Thanks for posting this.
    Wow, that guy is really and truly nuts. To blame a country for a natural disaster, what is Mr. Robertson’s problem? Isn’t this the guy that did the same sort of thing about the Twin Towers in New York?

    It appears that lots of people just aren’t good enough for him. He’s got a little hierarchy goin’ on in his head, with him safe and comfortable at the top. But I have faith. He will meet Self, either here or in the hereafter. Cruelty like that, is always rewarded. Big ol’ lesson eventually will come to him. I guess he thinks that every single human on the island, deserves hardship. Does he actually know who was there when the earthquake hit? Hope no one in his church was there on vacation!

    Love, Jen

  2. Katia.
    I hope you don’t mind, but I’m posting a link to this on my blog as a follow up to my blog post about Pat R. and his terrible comments!
    Awesome post, love it!!

  3. Hi +Katia

    Good stuff. People like Robertson, the late Foulwell…er, Falwell (in LYNCH-BURG Va no less) and their many imitators all rub me the wrong way. They’re “messengers of light” all right, but the light has an ugly ugly source.



  4. Too funny! I always tend to think that folks like Pat Robertson are doing us all a favour by making very public just how ridiculous, loathsome, and inhumane the fundamentalist position really is. They don’t call these guys The American Taliban for nothing! 😉

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