Oh wow, this letter from Satan to Pat Robertson (below) is really a hoot. I was just reading (in Myth and Ritual of Christianity by Alan Watts) about the arena Lucifer aka Satan really works in. According to Watts, Satan doesn’t even engage in lesser forms of evil like violence and war, he is far too clever and subtle for that and commits the purest forms of evil. Lucifer-Satan is extraordinarily gifted as a wolf in sheep’s clothing, an expert on human nature, and moves with the light-workers, the peace-makers, the smiling do-gooders. Satan moves and works among the beautiful ones, fooling everyone, says famous author Alan Watts (back in the late 60s when he wrote this book).
Anyway, here’s the Screwtape Letters style note to Pat Robertson after Pat said the Haiti earthquake was caused by a deal Haiti made with the Devil.
SATAN TO PAT ROBERTSON: YOU’RE DOING GREAT WORK, PAT, BUT…
Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the
shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when
they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has
made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but
I’m no welcher.
The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and
impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with
people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent,
wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I
mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen
“Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d
be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that
kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing
against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.
You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just,
come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep
blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need
to renegotiate your own contract.
— Lily Coyle, Minneapolis – via the Star Tribune